some life updates, re-calibrations and musings from the wild

i just spent a few days out in the wild, no signal, no screens, cooking on fire, working on the land project, reading a lot and spending quality time in connection to beloved creatures and all the more-than-human vibrancy.

while there, reflecting, having space to simply feel and sense, i realized that as much as my default state is positivist resoluteness and a general passion and excitement for building the solar punk futures, there are few things that are taking a huge toll on my well being as i am certain it is on many of you. things that may at first glance seem important to “keep with the times” and do revolutionary work but in fact, mostly inhibit and block potential.

the first thing i have realized and am willing to finally admit to myself is that i am indeed addicted to this rectangular soul-sucking little computer i carry everywhere, my phone. particularly to the social media apps. the habit of “staying updated” or the occasional recreational entertainment have long been replaced by a haze of uncontrollable instinct to grab the phone, maybe initially to actually do something that needs to be done but that than turns to 15 minutes, half an hour, sometimes an hour or more of endless doom-scrolling.

this is beyond the activity itself, it’s also the content that i am exposed to, something i am certain many of you will resonate with as well: a schizophrenic buffet of emotional roller coaster the speed of which matches only the exponential acceleration of the times we live in. Something funny → a Palestinian being shot point blank bleeding to death → a cute puppy that’s probably AI → a recipe of brownies from sweet potatoes → something about yet another climate tipping point we have just crossed → another thing funny → something genuinely stupid → another horrific war crime done to someone somewhere in the global south, oh wow a cute puppy again…

this delirious speed and all its physical consequences aside, i am realizing i don’t need to witness atrocities every single day for years on end, hours each day to know what we are up against. i already have a materialist analysis of capitalism and imperialist colonialism enough to know exactly what is happening, to who, by whom and the need to build alternative infrastructure, in fact i already have devoted my life to doing so.

all that these habits accomplish is drain my creative energy into streamlined consumption, empty my body of so much of its available energy in the form of sensations and emotional matter and create a general dread for the world is ending.

and maybe it is, maybe it is ending but so what? how is existing in a constant state of stress about it’s demise going to help us have the resources to build alternatives or even just be more prepared for the journey of collapse?

i am learning more and more with each day passing, with each opportunity to reflect with the more-than-human in me and all around me that there’s a fine line, like the edge of a sword to balance here;

to be willing to look at reality with relentless sobriety and at the same time to not succumb to depressed fatalism.

to face the material truth of suffering inflicted on all organic life on this planet by systems of domination and control and at the same time cultivate awe, simple joys and never stop creating.

to stand at the edge of the abyss of meaninglessness, of the eventual mortality of everything we cherish and love without comforting illusions, and at the same time live this life as a playground of active meaning making that fills out moments with aliveness, vibrancy, inspiration and life force.

so here’s what i am doing to help myself navigate the coming months, focus on the things that matter and the post-capitalism infrastructure i am building and to banish the tentacles of depression and helplessness from my experience;

first thing i did the moment i was back home was delete all social media apps from my phone, this machine is a utility, a tool that helps me build and it should never be anything more. i will try and see what it’s like posting to my socials from a desktop browser and take the annoyance discomfort that comes with it as a sign that i am doing something that challenges the state of automated numbness these very systems benefit from.

secondly, and i am writing this here to keep myself accountable, i will create and post something every single day for the next 30 days. substack essays, reels, podcasts, no matter, as long as i am actively churning my lived experience as a creature living thought these times into something creative that can serve as supportive nectar of coherence for others.

just a few hours without the social media apps on my phone and i already feel how this is retraining my impulsive relationship with this device, perhaps i will write more tomorrow on how products, technologies and tools are never “just a thing” and always a mechanism of the regulation of Desire in the way that serves to maintain the social order. or maybe on how, while in the wild i summoned an owl. we’ll see.

oh and if you wanna give me money so i can keep building alternative food, water, energy, tech and education systems for the solar punk future, that wil certainly be very cool!

anyway…